Tom Brady’s F-U Tour

While Rex Ryan and the Buffalo Bills celebrated their Super Bowl victory from last week — a Pity Bowl if there ever was one — the bullies of the AFC East went back to business and were simply, “onto Cleveland” after allowing the Bills to believe they defeated the bully on their block. A football fan with any measure of intelligence grasps the concept of the Patriots essentially rolling their eyes at the week four loss. Meanwhile, Rex Ryan did everything throughout the week (and after the game) besides handing himself the Coach of the Year trophy for defeating an injured speed option rookie quarterback 16-0.

Congratulations to the Buffalo Bills, you beat the bullies youngest brother, and managed to buy your incompetent head coach a few more weeks. It was probably from those Jedi mind tricks you pulled pregame by smacking the THIRD STRING QUARTERBACK in the face as he was literally jogging to his locker room. Nice work Robert Blanton, because that’s what you would have done if it was Tom Brady jogging down the sideline a couple of hours before the game.

The difference between the most dominant football team of the 2000’s and the rest of the National Football League is that everybody else is just trying to catch up to the American football revolution that has become the New England Patriots. Being a “Patriot” is a responsibility that requires you to hold yourself to a standard that is far more superior to the entirety of the league. Part of that responsibility is also accepting and filing away unnecessary criticism, misguided jealousy, miserably inadequate excuses heard from opponents, and exaggerated punishments for consistently throttling those portrayed as your professional level peers.

Part of that responsibility is listening to the media talk about your “system” and how you’re a “system player”. Yeah, because taking selfless athletes who don’t care about their own individual accolades, bust themselves every single day, and put every amount of trust they have towards their all-time great head coach means you can only play in New England. I love that. Once you’re a top performing team for an extended period of time you’re no longer a great franchise, or dynasty, but rather a “system”. They don’t have their own secret system, EVERYBODY has a system, New England’s is just better.

Sometimes part of that responsibility is having to watch your franchise quarterback’s legacy be tarnished over the last two years for an incident that he was never actually proven guilty for in the end. Sometimes part of that responsibility requires you to be on the wrong end of a punishment that Roger Goodell exaggerates to the most severe level because of three straight cases he dreadfully whiffed on before — Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, Greg Hardy. It’s clear Goodell didn’t want to mess up his image worse than he already had, so he smashed a mosquito with a sledge-hammer in regards to Brady and New England’s punishments. The death penalty for speeding 5 miles per hour over the speed limit. Goodell essentially gave the most insane punishment I’ve ever seen to an athlete for a minuscule offense that 99.9999999% of football fans didn’t even know existed.

While there were mixed emotions towards Tom Brady before the “11 of 12 deflated footballs” rumor came out — which turned out to be complete bullshit if you actually paid attention to the reports and rulings that were released following the hilariously error-filled, Goodell-funded Ted Wells Report that was 139 pages of incorrect statements and held zero sustainable context — there has definitely been an attitude change since that time, unfortunately. A ludicrous decision leading to a misunderstood athlete that has done more for the sport of football than the current commissioner has.

AFC Championship - New England Patriots v Denver Broncos
Photo Credit:

The Hall of Fame quarterback has watched his team play without him for four weeks now. On top of letting last season’s AFC Championship Game loss to Peyton Manning hang over his head all offseason. Brady has listened to the critics across the national media panels call him a cheater, a system quarterback, washed up, and too old. The competitive juices of Tom Brady that are normally unorthodox for a quarterback will be on an even greater display starting this Sunday against Cleveland. It’s the beginning of the end for the rest of the NFL.

The city of Boston loves the us-against-the-world mentality because of their rich tradition of sports bringing them closer together as a town. Now, the greatest athlete in the history of their time is going to have a me-against-the-world chip on his shoulder that will unify this team and their region in a way like never before as the signal caller is responsible for the greatest ass-kicking tour in the history of sports.

Brady was already the type of player who played the game with an edge. Whether it was because he was picked 199th overall in the draft, or was constantly told he wasn’t Peyton Manning, wasn’t Joe Montana, or even hearing that his head coach is the reason for the Patriots unprecedented success over the last 1.5 decades. Well, now psycho Tom has another angle to play with. He has the drive and reason to play the game with the intentions of ripping apart the stomach of a defense as if he was field dressing a deer in northern Minnesota, or perhaps as if it was Roger Goodell.

I can promise there won’t be a more rewarding feeling for Tom Brady, the New England Patriots, and Boston everywhere than watching Roger Goodell hand-deliver the Vince Lombardi trophy to number 12.

The greatest quarterback in the history of football has now had a four-week BYE to begin his year. He will be returning to a 3-1 team that awaits his bitter leadership to carry them to his seventh Super Bowl appearance. Tom Brady is healthy. Tom Brady is angry. A combination that should truly be feared by all 31 teams throughout the NFL.

Welcome back, Tom Brady. Release the kraken!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s